Very seldom do I sit down to the computer with absolutely no idea what I am going to write about. People often wonder what I use for writing. They ask if I use voice recognition or… Actually voice recognition doesn’t work for me. The computer doesn’t understand me. I actually use a computer keyboard. I type 25 to 35 words per minute (I don’t really know.) depending on what I’m writing. I learned how to type on an old Underwood manual typewriter when I was very young. It’s much like the story of learning to play the drums. I just started playing, eventually made sense of the keyboard and over time began typing.
Curiosity is a wonderful thing. Over the years I’ve given many talks to school children. Kids are great. They have a natural curiosity. I knew that the teachers would have told the children all about me before I walked into the classroom. I can only guess at what the teachers might have said. When I would walk into the classroom, the teacher would introduce me. Usually the teacher would then walk to the back of the classroom.
I would simply turn around, write my name on the board in big letters, turn back around to the kids and say, “Hi, my name is Charlie and I was born this way. Do you have any questions?”
Side note: For this illustration I found there were two types of teachers. The first and most common was a reaction of shock on the face of the teacher. The second was a teacher who would smile, relax and lean against the wall. By that single cue I could tell in an instance what the next steps would be.
In the classroom where the teacher was uptight, I would inevitably have to coax the kids into asking questions. I would have to begin a conversation, saying more about myself and eventually ask the kids if they knew anyone with a disability. This would then almost always begin a dialogue.
In the classroom where the teacher was relaxed and smiled, the kids almost always jumped in with questions. These were the really enjoyable talks.
These really are the two choices that we have in life. How we approach life, live our lives.
My point in giving talks in this manner was to emphasize over and over that the only way that we can learn to understand others who are different than ourselves is to ask questions. I literally would repeat this multiple times during my talk.
Why is it that so many of us are afraid to ask questions? How can we begin to understand someone different than ourselves when we have no clue who they are or what they’ve been through? Without asking questions all we can do is assume. And we all know what that means!
Of course if we’re not even able to ask ourselves questions, then asking others is quit problematic. If we’ve asked questions and others have reacted negatively towards us, then this can make us shy away from asking again as well.
Well… I guess I had something to write about after all.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
(36th Entry) To live in two worlds…
I’ve said many times so far the phrase “To be disabled or not to be Disabled. That is the question. It’s a choice.” We hear so often that you can’t live in two worlds, but I think with the issue of disability that’s exactly what we do. I receive emails often now commenting on my blog, asking questions and feeding back to me one’s interpretation of what I said. So often I hear people who think or write that my writing comes across as if I think I’m… Whatever their interpretation may be of what I’ve said. This is the most difficult aspect of writing a blog.
How do you write about where you came from, where you are and where you want to go at the same time?
Ultimately what makes us successful in life is learning how to live in various worlds at the same time. This is the direction I think that my blog is heading. By “various worlds” I mean we all have multiple aspects to our lives. We work, we’re children of, we’re parents of, we’re friends of and… All of us have multiple roles in life.
The issue of disability is just another role. Albeit a major role for those of us who are perceived as being… I think I’ve said this before, but the object is to be a person who happens to have a disability, yet not to be a disabled individual. I might have a disability on the outside and as I’ve said before we all have a disability… visible or not… a wound that causes us pain.
The choice is… I can be perceived as… and yet not be… I can live in two worlds. This is what has taken me so long to figure out in life. I can have a disability on the outside and yet still be who I choose to be on the inside. This is the choice!
I talk a lot about the struggle of having a disability. These are the things that I didn’t understand or was never exposed to or denied somehow in my life. Of course, I’ll be the first to admit that maybe I just didn’t hear them. Maybe I didn’t want to hear them.
I get told often… you’re not disabled! You can do anything. This is the ultimate compliment. Yet the very fact that someone says it… I’m reminded constantly that I’m different… positively and negatively at times.
The reason why I talk so much about the struggle at this point is that it was working through and understanding the struggle that made it possible for me to begin to be that person who happened to have a disability and not just a disabled person “going on with life.”
Some people interpret my writing as if I feel and think that I’m disabled. They want me to know that they don’t consider me disabled. Thanks… and this is wonderful! Others write and talk about the fact they have or feel a bond with me even though they might not have a disability. They relate because they too have gone through a struggle in life. Thanks… and this is wonderful!
How do I perceive myself today… Disabled or not Disabled? I live in two worlds and will always live in two worlds in regards to this aspect of my life. I am both. I have a choice today to decide how I’m going act and/or react to this aspect of my life.
How do you write about where you came from, where you are and where you want to go at the same time?
Ultimately what makes us successful in life is learning how to live in various worlds at the same time. This is the direction I think that my blog is heading. By “various worlds” I mean we all have multiple aspects to our lives. We work, we’re children of, we’re parents of, we’re friends of and… All of us have multiple roles in life.
The issue of disability is just another role. Albeit a major role for those of us who are perceived as being… I think I’ve said this before, but the object is to be a person who happens to have a disability, yet not to be a disabled individual. I might have a disability on the outside and as I’ve said before we all have a disability… visible or not… a wound that causes us pain.
The choice is… I can be perceived as… and yet not be… I can live in two worlds. This is what has taken me so long to figure out in life. I can have a disability on the outside and yet still be who I choose to be on the inside. This is the choice!
I talk a lot about the struggle of having a disability. These are the things that I didn’t understand or was never exposed to or denied somehow in my life. Of course, I’ll be the first to admit that maybe I just didn’t hear them. Maybe I didn’t want to hear them.
I get told often… you’re not disabled! You can do anything. This is the ultimate compliment. Yet the very fact that someone says it… I’m reminded constantly that I’m different… positively and negatively at times.
The reason why I talk so much about the struggle at this point is that it was working through and understanding the struggle that made it possible for me to begin to be that person who happened to have a disability and not just a disabled person “going on with life.”
Some people interpret my writing as if I feel and think that I’m disabled. They want me to know that they don’t consider me disabled. Thanks… and this is wonderful! Others write and talk about the fact they have or feel a bond with me even though they might not have a disability. They relate because they too have gone through a struggle in life. Thanks… and this is wonderful!
How do I perceive myself today… Disabled or not Disabled? I live in two worlds and will always live in two worlds in regards to this aspect of my life. I am both. I have a choice today to decide how I’m going act and/or react to this aspect of my life.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
(35th Entry) Tying a tie…
One of the things that worried me most about going to work in the corporate world was… How am I going to tie a tie every day? Anytime that I had worn a tie previously I had always had someone tie it for me as well as button the button on the front of the caller. So when I got my first corporate job offer and it just happened to be a company that wanted me to wear a coat and tie daily, I had to come up with a way to be able to do this on a daily basis. Side note: This was the only company out of three that expected me to dress up.
Everyone kept telling me… Wear clip on ties! Well there are several problems with this. First, have you ever really looked at the selection… Not good. Second, you still have to button the collar button and jam the clip between the collar and your throat. Can’t do it!
So one day a good friend of mine named Chris and I set aside a whole day to come up with a concept that would work for me. Chris kept thinking that we could tie, slip it over my head, cut the back apart and insert Velcro. This way I could slip the tie over my head. Chris was close… but I came up with an ingenious way…
We tied the tie while on me, and then we loosened it… slipped it over my head. We then glued the knot with Elmer’s glue, so that the knot stayed tight, but allowing for the tie to slide like a noose. I would then put the tie under my collar, buttoning the buttons on the collar, button down collars, and slip the shirt over my head. The second problem was the collar button… that top button that keeps the collar tight. I didn’t button it. I used the strength of the tie to hold the collar.
Results: I could buy any normal tie. Glue it. Wear it! But never dry clean it because of the glue… so what! I could get dressed daily without worry.
This was one of my proudest days in adulthood. Something that seems so innocent, yet so important in my mind… resolved simply. I’ll never forget Chris for his willingness and enthusiasm to help me.
For employers… this is the type of creativity that disabled individuals can bring to the job… an ability to solve problems “outside the box”. Unfortunately what I found in my brief career, while corporations talk of wanting new ideas, they rarely embraced them. Not only did they not embrace them, once they hired you they wanted you to be like everyone else. My first corporate job probably gave me the most latitude in allowing me to use my natural abilities. As I went to work for larger and larger companies the ability to be “me” became less and less. I might be a little cynical and a bit jaded, but I expect that Corporate America utilizes only a fraction of their employee’s abilities, energy and assets.
Everyone kept telling me… Wear clip on ties! Well there are several problems with this. First, have you ever really looked at the selection… Not good. Second, you still have to button the collar button and jam the clip between the collar and your throat. Can’t do it!
So one day a good friend of mine named Chris and I set aside a whole day to come up with a concept that would work for me. Chris kept thinking that we could tie, slip it over my head, cut the back apart and insert Velcro. This way I could slip the tie over my head. Chris was close… but I came up with an ingenious way…
We tied the tie while on me, and then we loosened it… slipped it over my head. We then glued the knot with Elmer’s glue, so that the knot stayed tight, but allowing for the tie to slide like a noose. I would then put the tie under my collar, buttoning the buttons on the collar, button down collars, and slip the shirt over my head. The second problem was the collar button… that top button that keeps the collar tight. I didn’t button it. I used the strength of the tie to hold the collar.
Results: I could buy any normal tie. Glue it. Wear it! But never dry clean it because of the glue… so what! I could get dressed daily without worry.
This was one of my proudest days in adulthood. Something that seems so innocent, yet so important in my mind… resolved simply. I’ll never forget Chris for his willingness and enthusiasm to help me.
For employers… this is the type of creativity that disabled individuals can bring to the job… an ability to solve problems “outside the box”. Unfortunately what I found in my brief career, while corporations talk of wanting new ideas, they rarely embraced them. Not only did they not embrace them, once they hired you they wanted you to be like everyone else. My first corporate job probably gave me the most latitude in allowing me to use my natural abilities. As I went to work for larger and larger companies the ability to be “me” became less and less. I might be a little cynical and a bit jaded, but I expect that Corporate America utilizes only a fraction of their employee’s abilities, energy and assets.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
(34th Entry) The Valentine’s that never were…
If anyone remembers this song, please let me know what it is and who sang it… “The Valentine’s That Never Were” and I don’t even know if this was the title or just a line in the song.
One night as a child in a restaurant in Dallas, we went to an Italian restaurant to hear a friend sing. She was actually the daughter of my parent’s friends. Her name was Leslie and she was blind. Leslie sang and played the piano. She sang the song that I mentioned above. I just remember hearing a remark or remarks like… “It just has so much more meaning when she sings it.”
I don’t know why I’m writing this except that I’ve always held this in my memory and well, what is today?
The things we remember from childhood, the things that influence us, affect us… while this can have so many different meanings, positive, negative or even a statement of a person’s emotion whose just being honest at the moment… When we hear things we interpret them where we are in that moment of our own lives. As I’ve said a few times before in this blog… So many of us just want to “go on with life”
I think there’s only two options in life… to go on with life blindly just letting things happen and have the events in our lives dictate that direction or… look at our lives, ask questions, face the bigger questions and help determine the direction that we take in life. If I have to say which option I feel strongly about, then I’ve done a poor job in this blog.
I’ve always remembered this event in my life and because of that I have been able to change my perception and alter the meaning of that event in my life. Today I chose to look at it differently than I did 35+ years ago. Back then I chose to look at it as if there was something wrong with Leslie and thus me as well and because of that people feel sorry for us and we were less than. Today, much like I stated in Entry 32, I look back at Leslie and realize that she could make this song more meaningful in a positive way. Back then I looked at everything in terms of its negative effects. Leslie went out and lived her life regardless of her blindness.
Our attitude determines much of the way that we view the events in our lives. I’m not one of those people who think you can just think positive thoughts and everything is going to be ok. I think you can be positive, but still deal with the issues. I think ultimately you must deal with the issues in order to have a really positive outlook. I’m trying not to use the word “pain”, because it has such a powerful connotation. Kahlil Gibran in his book THE PROPHET says, “Pain is the cracking of the shell that encloses our understanding.” This is the pain that I’m describing. It’s the pain of having to ask questions and understand who we are, what we have done and what has been done to us. It goes back to… Do things happen for a reason? Or, do we give meaning to the things that happen to us? (Entry 5)
I look back now and realize… All we know is our own reality (Entry 3). I can’t imagine being blind! If I heard Leslie sing that song today I would have a completely different reaction. I am not that same little boy, with those same thoughts and feelings. Even as I think back, I realize that for me Leslie gives this song more meaning today, because of my own life experiences and the bond that we share.
One night as a child in a restaurant in Dallas, we went to an Italian restaurant to hear a friend sing. She was actually the daughter of my parent’s friends. Her name was Leslie and she was blind. Leslie sang and played the piano. She sang the song that I mentioned above. I just remember hearing a remark or remarks like… “It just has so much more meaning when she sings it.”
I don’t know why I’m writing this except that I’ve always held this in my memory and well, what is today?
The things we remember from childhood, the things that influence us, affect us… while this can have so many different meanings, positive, negative or even a statement of a person’s emotion whose just being honest at the moment… When we hear things we interpret them where we are in that moment of our own lives. As I’ve said a few times before in this blog… So many of us just want to “go on with life”
I think there’s only two options in life… to go on with life blindly just letting things happen and have the events in our lives dictate that direction or… look at our lives, ask questions, face the bigger questions and help determine the direction that we take in life. If I have to say which option I feel strongly about, then I’ve done a poor job in this blog.
I’ve always remembered this event in my life and because of that I have been able to change my perception and alter the meaning of that event in my life. Today I chose to look at it differently than I did 35+ years ago. Back then I chose to look at it as if there was something wrong with Leslie and thus me as well and because of that people feel sorry for us and we were less than. Today, much like I stated in Entry 32, I look back at Leslie and realize that she could make this song more meaningful in a positive way. Back then I looked at everything in terms of its negative effects. Leslie went out and lived her life regardless of her blindness.
Our attitude determines much of the way that we view the events in our lives. I’m not one of those people who think you can just think positive thoughts and everything is going to be ok. I think you can be positive, but still deal with the issues. I think ultimately you must deal with the issues in order to have a really positive outlook. I’m trying not to use the word “pain”, because it has such a powerful connotation. Kahlil Gibran in his book THE PROPHET says, “Pain is the cracking of the shell that encloses our understanding.” This is the pain that I’m describing. It’s the pain of having to ask questions and understand who we are, what we have done and what has been done to us. It goes back to… Do things happen for a reason? Or, do we give meaning to the things that happen to us? (Entry 5)
I look back now and realize… All we know is our own reality (Entry 3). I can’t imagine being blind! If I heard Leslie sing that song today I would have a completely different reaction. I am not that same little boy, with those same thoughts and feelings. Even as I think back, I realize that for me Leslie gives this song more meaning today, because of my own life experiences and the bond that we share.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
(33rd Entry) I wonder…
In Entry 31 I mentioned that I was reading a book called BLINK by Malcolm Gladwell. It’s been an enlightening read. The subtitle is The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. It’s a book about how we make decisions. I also just mentioned in a brief entry prior to this that ABC News says that 44% of disabled individuals in the U.S. are unemployed.
While reading BLINK, I read about how prior to 50 years ago or so auditions for symphonies were held where the judges, maestros could see the person auditioning. Women made up less than 5% of members of symphonies. It was thought that women just couldn’t play as well as men for many reasons. When auditions began being done where the person auditioning was behind screens many more women were chosen… now approximately 50%. The person’s bias or pre-conceived notions were eliminated and only the sound of the music counted.
I wonder if job interviews were conducted in much the same manner if the number of disabled individuals hired would improve?
While reading BLINK, I read about how prior to 50 years ago or so auditions for symphonies were held where the judges, maestros could see the person auditioning. Women made up less than 5% of members of symphonies. It was thought that women just couldn’t play as well as men for many reasons. When auditions began being done where the person auditioning was behind screens many more women were chosen… now approximately 50%. The person’s bias or pre-conceived notions were eliminated and only the sound of the music counted.
I wonder if job interviews were conducted in much the same manner if the number of disabled individuals hired would improve?
Watch This
http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=4275513
An ABC NEWS story on Walgreens hiring of disabled individuals. An interesting story...
Cut and Paste the link above into your browser to watch.
ABC News cites that 44% of Americans with disabilities are unemployed!
An ABC NEWS story on Walgreens hiring of disabled individuals. An interesting story...
Cut and Paste the link above into your browser to watch.
ABC News cites that 44% of Americans with disabilities are unemployed!
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