I remember so vividly sitting in that subway car as this man passed me by. Tears just began streaming down my face. I “lost it” in the NYC subway system. Not exactly the best place to lose it. But the question is why did I “lose it”?
All we know is our own reality… yet sometimes that reality is shattered, turned upside-down. As I write this I find it extremely difficult to put into words.
We live in a world of “normal” people for the most part. Most people look alike physically… they walk, they have hands, and they speak clearly. I lived in a world that I perceived myself to be “normal”. I could do so many of the things people might not have expected me to be able do or that people said that I would never do. This must mean that I am “normal”.
At this point in my life I was still trying “to over-come” who I was. I wanted everyone to know that I didn’t have to panhandle, that I was capable of “doing” many things. I was still trying to prove myself to myself and others.
Somehow in this subway car I made the connection that I was judging this man as others might be judging me. A quote I remember from long ago… “When we forget who we are, we forget how to act.” (Unfortunately I don’t know who said this.) My feelings, my emotions had very little to do with him. They really had to do with how I felt about myself. Who I was, who I wanted to be! Yet my feelings, however unaware I was of them, were focused on him until I was able to make that connection to myself.
More to be revealed!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment