(5th Entry) Things Happen for a Reason… Or Do They?

I used to want to argue with people when they said, “things happen for a reason.” I’ve mellowed in my old age. Instead of arguing, I simply point out that… Yes things might happen for a reason, but… How we respond to what happens to us gives it meaning. A lot of bad things happen in this world… very bad things. To me, to say that things happen for a reason is a great excuse not to be responsible for how I respond. For instance, being born the way that I was born has no meaning unless I do something with my life. If I sit back and believe that this happened for a reason, then I’m not responsible. It gives me permission to be angry, bitter and the ability to blame.

For me, meaning or reason comes out of what we do with our lives, situations that happen to us. If you read the poem… “TO DREAM TO TOUCH” (2nd Entry) you can see the despair, the inability or knowledge of how to go forward with life. Fortunately you can also see the hope and the desire. I wrote that upon graduating from college. (Again many more blog entries to explain my life)

So often in my life I’ve heard… “It’s amazing how you’ve over-come your disability.” The problem is that I was trying to over-come. Back in the mid to late 80’s I was reading a book, an interview with James Hillman where he was talking about depression. He said something that changed my perspective immediately… (not that others hadn’t tried to do so, but this time it clicked) He said the object is not to over-come your depression, but to learn to live with it and in it.

What an amazing concept! The object is not to over-come my disability, but to learn to live with it. In other words… GIVE IT MEANING, QUITE FIGHTING, QUIT BLAMING and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

Yet this is much easier said than done for most of us. It takes most of us time. It's taken me 47 years.

How did I get here? How can you?

This to me is what my BLOG is all about...

(4th Entry) Thanks and yes… I’m asking for more!

As I said in “My Very First Blog Entry” this is a new experience and I do not know exactly what to expect. Already I’ve been amazed by the response. First, I want to thank all of you who have responded with comments and to the many that have responded via email. THANK YOU!

Second, as I wrote my first little entry (after the initial day’s postings) I found myself to be a little apprehensive, nervous. There’s so much that I want to express that I don’t know where to start. I also wanted it to be “perfect”. Well… the object of this blog is stated in the mission statement… under “WHY? --- I need your help in order to:”

I realize that it’s going to take a little time to get the blog “flowing”. I’m going post my basic philosophy about life and major “life experiences” up to five entries a week. Hopefully over time, “who I am” and “what I am trying to get across”, will begin to be understood. I realize that this is not a blog of daily events, but one that builds upon previous entries. I’m not for sure how that woks with a blog.

PLEASE... Please add comments, ask questions… Please send this link to anyone and everyone and ask them to do likewise.

Tomorrow I post my 5th entry. Things happen for a reason... or do they? Hopefully this posting will spark some debate, be a little controversial. It expresses one of my fundamental believes about life. My good friend Phil in his comment under “My Very First Blog Entry” alluded to it… not feeling like a victim.

So… Now it’s time for me to sit back, relax and just “put it out there”! Again... Let me know what you think!

(3rd Entry) All we know is our own reality…

Let me begin with… This is my memory of this event.

Once many years ago I was leading a support group for disabled individuals. On this particular day there were approximately 10 to 12 people in the room. The first person that shared had one arm that had been paralyzed from a gun shot accident. He shared about his accident and his life since the accident. After speaking he had a legitimate reason for leaving. We continued the meeting, one person after another sharing. To this day what I saw happen in that room still amazes me.

It was as if we were going in reverse order of severity of our disabilities... (from less disabled to more disabled.) But what I heard as each person spoke was… “What’s their problem? They just have…” referring to the person speaking before (less disabled) and referring to someone with a greater disability “If I had their… I couldn’t live…”

What I learned that day is that most of us can only can imagine living in our own “reality”! (In future Blogs I want to explore the consequences of only understanding our own "reality". The effects it has on us as well as the affects it has on those around us.)

Yesterday I received an email informing me that an old friend had suffered a heart attack while driving which resulted in him having an accident. In the accident he suffered a broken hip, back, ribs and other various broken bones. Life is fragile! Our lives can change in a moments notice.

My hope is that this BLOG and the other projects that I am working on can begin to help us all live in a larger “reality”.

My friend is out of ICU, but a long recovery awaits.

(2nd Entry) Where "To Dream To Touch" Originated

Written in May 1984 by Charles Hall


TO DREAM TO TOUCH

I miss the things which I never had,
but only dreamed.
I came so close, and yet,
I did not touch.
I wanted,
but did not partake.
I should have tried, and missed,
but gained.
I held back, reserved,
and never knew.
So easy now to say,
so hard at times to do.
I want, I think, I miss;
I am, but what?

To do, to take, to have, to hold, to say;
beyond the reach, beyond the soul.
To dream, to want, to know, to have some day;
It will be done.
I gain, I work, I try;
My will succeed.
With help, with time, with luck;
It will be done.
(The end so close;
but when but why?
What will I be,
What will I become?)

Lonely, known, loved;
But feels forlorn.
Forlorn in mind;
But not out loud.
To those that know, to one that forgets;
Pity exist.
Things change, people change;
Life goes on.
Memories fade, feelings subside;
One goes on.

And then, but why,
For one can’t say;
Again the chance, again,
The thought of pain.
I hesitate, I think,
But will I act?
Closer I get,
But succeed I don’t.
And yet, a chance I took,
For life, for love, for hope.
And yet, I did not touch.

Happy, yes!
For at least I tried.
I can succeed;
Please with time.
Again the pity,
Again forlorn.
Life continues,
But never ends

Await to hope
Await to chance
Await to touch
My time will come!

My Very First Blog Entry

To Dream To Touch: So much of my life has been spent having dreams, desires, ambitions and yet that's what they remained.

Today... I want to make a difference, to give back, to actually accomplish my dreams, my goals. I have so many that it's difficult at times to prioritize them. However, they seem to all center around the issue of disability or using the issue of disability as metaphor.

The Mission Statement on the right hand side of this post outlines many of the ideas that I have and that I want to accomplish.

A Blog is a totally new adventure for me. I don't exactly know what to expect. I'm asking myself how personal do I want to get, how much do I want to expose of my true feelings. I expect that exactly how far I'm willing to go will depend upon the comments that I receive. If the comments become more personal then I'll have no choice but to go deeper myself.

I urge each of you to write comments, ask questions. As it says in the Mission Statement... " I have a Dream..."