I’ve mentioned in the blog several times so far that I was lost in certain areas and ages during my life. What does “lost” mean? For me it says that I was searching, looking for meaning and understanding, for a purpose in my life. I didn’t understand who I was, why I was who I was, etc. It’s difficult to write a summation, but a writing I did in the spring of 1977 illustrates it quite well. I was a sophomore in high school. It was during this year I did the first two projects mentioned in the last blog.
ONCE THERE WAS A PERSON
Once there was a person. He was different than everyone else. Did this matter to him? You have to decide this for yourself.
That person is myself… A human unlike any human! I have a lot I want to give and a lot I want to learn… for I am a high achiever. Some people would disagree with this because I don’t do my school work… like right now. I sit and wonder sometimes if I’m smart. I think I am at times and then again I think I’m dumb at the same time. I just don’t know. (My father once told me to do a project on getting to know myself. This sounds like a good idea.)
Everything I read I want to learn more about, but then I lose interest, because there’s not enough time to accomplish all of the goals I set for myself. (Maybe I’ll go to the creek this weekend and be by myself. I could just sit and write.)
I know I have something to give! I know! I am a perfectionist in my own way. I expect people to behave right even though I know I’m not perfect. What can I give and how can I give it? How can I learn and when can I learn it? Maybe I don’t want to learn. I never listen to what my teachers say. I know I have something to give, but what is it? Can you tell me?
What do people think of me? They think I’m wonderful. But why? They think I’m special, because I do things in spite of my disability. I don’t they’re special because they have hands! What’s the difference? Is it really so obvious?
I know I have something to give. Am I already giving it? If so, where and how? Please, won’t somebody tell me! I’m sitting here all worn out, but why? I want to give more, but something won’t let me. Please, oh God, let me give more! I want to learn, but how can I learn? I want to read, but impatient I am. I just want to know it; know it right now. Please, oh God, help me learn!
I would have been sixteen years old when I wrote this. Without realizing it, being conscious of it… the four projects listed previously were an attempt to answer many of struggles in this writing.
It’s strange and wonderful to look back at this piece. In some ways, I'm amazed at what I wrote; yet, it’s the struggle that to some degree still exists within me today. It’s that natural curiosity, that desire to have and learn more that keeps me going… wanting to be more than I was yesterday.
One mode of motivation for me is seeing change. Change motivates me! Not all change, but the type of change within myself that makes me a different person… hopefully a better person. I’m still that person that wrote the piece many years ago, but I’m not… and yet I’m more. The desires are the same, but the frustration, fear, anger, hostility and confusion are what have changed over the years.
“To Dream To Touch” (Entry 2) which inspired the name of the blog was written seven years after this. I look back at both writings and see a tremendous change in attitude and hope in those seven years. “To Dream To Touch” was written 24 years ago… So there’s a lot more to tell of the story.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
(39th Entry) In search of a new direction, a deeper level…
In the last two entries I’ve struggled a bit. I wasn’t clear on my direction, but as so often happens this morning it came to me… an intuition of sorts. The last entry as I thought about it, pointed me towards this new direction.
“Where to, What Next”
I want to begin to talk about what gives me meaning (which I’ve done to a degree), where it came from and how it relates to my goals. In other words, I want to begin to express my philosophy of life and more importantly the issue of disability.
In the high school class that I’ve talked about, Man and His Environment, I did four major projects in two years. These were oral projects on subjects that I had picked and had been approved by the teacher and then presented to the class. To this day they all have meaning in my life and have influenced my interests, curiosities and direction. And then there was college… And then there was Corporate America… And many, many things in between!
Summation of the four basic topics:
• On Death and Dying
• Parenting the Disabled
• How Art (Creativity) enhances Education
• The Reconciliation of Science and Religion (controversial to many)
College
• Psychology… Jungian, Archetypal, Phenomenology and Mythological studies
• Family Systems
All of these areas have influenced me to this day. They are intertwined with my experiences and have definitely influenced me in many ways.
Out of this:
• Show how all of these topics and adventures fit into and influence what I’m trying to do today.
• How they relate to the issue of disability, my life and how they might have meaning for others as well.
I’m going to try to do all of this without being to “quasi-intellectual” or perhaps cerebral might be a better word.
Then…
I want to begin to talk about the different audiences that I’m trying to reach both within and outside the disabled community.
A partial list:
1 Disabled individuals
2 Families involved with the issue of disability
3 Professional and helping community that support disabled individuals
4 Those that are not labeled or perceived as disabled… to heighten awareness of this issue as stated in the Mission Statement
5 Corporations: integrating disabled individuals into the workplace
As so often with this blog, it’s an adventure. This blog is a place for me to get my ideas out, in writing for others to digest and hopefully respond.
Stay tuned! We’ll see where it goes from here.
“Where to, What Next”
I want to begin to talk about what gives me meaning (which I’ve done to a degree), where it came from and how it relates to my goals. In other words, I want to begin to express my philosophy of life and more importantly the issue of disability.
In the high school class that I’ve talked about, Man and His Environment, I did four major projects in two years. These were oral projects on subjects that I had picked and had been approved by the teacher and then presented to the class. To this day they all have meaning in my life and have influenced my interests, curiosities and direction. And then there was college… And then there was Corporate America… And many, many things in between!
Summation of the four basic topics:
• On Death and Dying
• Parenting the Disabled
• How Art (Creativity) enhances Education
• The Reconciliation of Science and Religion (controversial to many)
College
• Psychology… Jungian, Archetypal, Phenomenology and Mythological studies
• Family Systems
All of these areas have influenced me to this day. They are intertwined with my experiences and have definitely influenced me in many ways.
Out of this:
• Show how all of these topics and adventures fit into and influence what I’m trying to do today.
• How they relate to the issue of disability, my life and how they might have meaning for others as well.
I’m going to try to do all of this without being to “quasi-intellectual” or perhaps cerebral might be a better word.
Then…
I want to begin to talk about the different audiences that I’m trying to reach both within and outside the disabled community.
A partial list:
1 Disabled individuals
2 Families involved with the issue of disability
3 Professional and helping community that support disabled individuals
4 Those that are not labeled or perceived as disabled… to heighten awareness of this issue as stated in the Mission Statement
5 Corporations: integrating disabled individuals into the workplace
As so often with this blog, it’s an adventure. This blog is a place for me to get my ideas out, in writing for others to digest and hopefully respond.
Stay tuned! We’ll see where it goes from here.
Monday, February 25, 2008
(38th Entry) Where do dreams come from…
I’ve been asking myself recently… Why do I want to give back…? (Read the Mission Statement for details… right hand side of blog!) Then again… Why does anyone want to give back? Why do people feel the need to be philanthropic? What motivates us?
I remember when I was young; playing in Oklahoma at my grand parent’s house during summer visits. I had an old check book. I created my own orphanage with plans for buildings and money for paying bills. I remember that the doctor was Dr. Marcus Welby. This was something that I spent a lot of time designing and analyzing… as much as any young child can analyze.
I’ve talked a little about my experiences at Scottish Rite Hospital where I attended therapy from the age of two until four. (Entries 12 and 19) I was supposed to be learning how to live with and use artificial arms…
I remember the kids stuck in this hospital. I remember the wards were old, dark and depressing. I remember kids lined up in rows in the ward. This was the early 60’s. Anyone around during those times remembers the old style hospitals made of rock and other heavy materials. They were built to last, but were very depressing and very impersonal. I was fortunate. I was the first outpatient at Scottish Rites. I walked out at the end of my therapy. I often wonder when I look back at those days playing in Oklahoma if that was the motivation for designing orphanages. I remember thinking that an orphanage ought to be like summer camp with counselors and lots activities.
If we really think about our lives, what we’re doing and why we’re doing it, we can almost always find a reason and an answer for how and why we got to where we are. Our interests, desires and motivation often come from what we might consider inconsequential events until we look back and piece together the puzzle.
The story of designing orphanages is just one piece of the puzzle for why I’m trying to do the things that are outlined in the Mission Statement. There’s a thousand other pieces to the puzzle… many known and more that probably will be discovered along the way.
I remember when I was young; playing in Oklahoma at my grand parent’s house during summer visits. I had an old check book. I created my own orphanage with plans for buildings and money for paying bills. I remember that the doctor was Dr. Marcus Welby. This was something that I spent a lot of time designing and analyzing… as much as any young child can analyze.
I’ve talked a little about my experiences at Scottish Rite Hospital where I attended therapy from the age of two until four. (Entries 12 and 19) I was supposed to be learning how to live with and use artificial arms…
I remember the kids stuck in this hospital. I remember the wards were old, dark and depressing. I remember kids lined up in rows in the ward. This was the early 60’s. Anyone around during those times remembers the old style hospitals made of rock and other heavy materials. They were built to last, but were very depressing and very impersonal. I was fortunate. I was the first outpatient at Scottish Rites. I walked out at the end of my therapy. I often wonder when I look back at those days playing in Oklahoma if that was the motivation for designing orphanages. I remember thinking that an orphanage ought to be like summer camp with counselors and lots activities.
If we really think about our lives, what we’re doing and why we’re doing it, we can almost always find a reason and an answer for how and why we got to where we are. Our interests, desires and motivation often come from what we might consider inconsequential events until we look back and piece together the puzzle.
The story of designing orphanages is just one piece of the puzzle for why I’m trying to do the things that are outlined in the Mission Statement. There’s a thousand other pieces to the puzzle… many known and more that probably will be discovered along the way.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
If you thought subprime was dirty...
http://s.wsj.net/public/resources/documents/info-launch08.html?project=PAYDAY08
CUT AND PASTE INTO YOUR BROWSER
CUT AND PASTE INTO YOUR BROWSER
(37th Entry) The power of asking questions…
Very seldom do I sit down to the computer with absolutely no idea what I am going to write about. People often wonder what I use for writing. They ask if I use voice recognition or… Actually voice recognition doesn’t work for me. The computer doesn’t understand me. I actually use a computer keyboard. I type 25 to 35 words per minute (I don’t really know.) depending on what I’m writing. I learned how to type on an old Underwood manual typewriter when I was very young. It’s much like the story of learning to play the drums. I just started playing, eventually made sense of the keyboard and over time began typing.
Curiosity is a wonderful thing. Over the years I’ve given many talks to school children. Kids are great. They have a natural curiosity. I knew that the teachers would have told the children all about me before I walked into the classroom. I can only guess at what the teachers might have said. When I would walk into the classroom, the teacher would introduce me. Usually the teacher would then walk to the back of the classroom.
I would simply turn around, write my name on the board in big letters, turn back around to the kids and say, “Hi, my name is Charlie and I was born this way. Do you have any questions?”
Side note: For this illustration I found there were two types of teachers. The first and most common was a reaction of shock on the face of the teacher. The second was a teacher who would smile, relax and lean against the wall. By that single cue I could tell in an instance what the next steps would be.
In the classroom where the teacher was uptight, I would inevitably have to coax the kids into asking questions. I would have to begin a conversation, saying more about myself and eventually ask the kids if they knew anyone with a disability. This would then almost always begin a dialogue.
In the classroom where the teacher was relaxed and smiled, the kids almost always jumped in with questions. These were the really enjoyable talks.
These really are the two choices that we have in life. How we approach life, live our lives.
My point in giving talks in this manner was to emphasize over and over that the only way that we can learn to understand others who are different than ourselves is to ask questions. I literally would repeat this multiple times during my talk.
Why is it that so many of us are afraid to ask questions? How can we begin to understand someone different than ourselves when we have no clue who they are or what they’ve been through? Without asking questions all we can do is assume. And we all know what that means!
Of course if we’re not even able to ask ourselves questions, then asking others is quit problematic. If we’ve asked questions and others have reacted negatively towards us, then this can make us shy away from asking again as well.
Well… I guess I had something to write about after all.
Curiosity is a wonderful thing. Over the years I’ve given many talks to school children. Kids are great. They have a natural curiosity. I knew that the teachers would have told the children all about me before I walked into the classroom. I can only guess at what the teachers might have said. When I would walk into the classroom, the teacher would introduce me. Usually the teacher would then walk to the back of the classroom.
I would simply turn around, write my name on the board in big letters, turn back around to the kids and say, “Hi, my name is Charlie and I was born this way. Do you have any questions?”
Side note: For this illustration I found there were two types of teachers. The first and most common was a reaction of shock on the face of the teacher. The second was a teacher who would smile, relax and lean against the wall. By that single cue I could tell in an instance what the next steps would be.
In the classroom where the teacher was uptight, I would inevitably have to coax the kids into asking questions. I would have to begin a conversation, saying more about myself and eventually ask the kids if they knew anyone with a disability. This would then almost always begin a dialogue.
In the classroom where the teacher was relaxed and smiled, the kids almost always jumped in with questions. These were the really enjoyable talks.
These really are the two choices that we have in life. How we approach life, live our lives.
My point in giving talks in this manner was to emphasize over and over that the only way that we can learn to understand others who are different than ourselves is to ask questions. I literally would repeat this multiple times during my talk.
Why is it that so many of us are afraid to ask questions? How can we begin to understand someone different than ourselves when we have no clue who they are or what they’ve been through? Without asking questions all we can do is assume. And we all know what that means!
Of course if we’re not even able to ask ourselves questions, then asking others is quit problematic. If we’ve asked questions and others have reacted negatively towards us, then this can make us shy away from asking again as well.
Well… I guess I had something to write about after all.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
(36th Entry) To live in two worlds…
I’ve said many times so far the phrase “To be disabled or not to be Disabled. That is the question. It’s a choice.” We hear so often that you can’t live in two worlds, but I think with the issue of disability that’s exactly what we do. I receive emails often now commenting on my blog, asking questions and feeding back to me one’s interpretation of what I said. So often I hear people who think or write that my writing comes across as if I think I’m… Whatever their interpretation may be of what I’ve said. This is the most difficult aspect of writing a blog.
How do you write about where you came from, where you are and where you want to go at the same time?
Ultimately what makes us successful in life is learning how to live in various worlds at the same time. This is the direction I think that my blog is heading. By “various worlds” I mean we all have multiple aspects to our lives. We work, we’re children of, we’re parents of, we’re friends of and… All of us have multiple roles in life.
The issue of disability is just another role. Albeit a major role for those of us who are perceived as being… I think I’ve said this before, but the object is to be a person who happens to have a disability, yet not to be a disabled individual. I might have a disability on the outside and as I’ve said before we all have a disability… visible or not… a wound that causes us pain.
The choice is… I can be perceived as… and yet not be… I can live in two worlds. This is what has taken me so long to figure out in life. I can have a disability on the outside and yet still be who I choose to be on the inside. This is the choice!
I talk a lot about the struggle of having a disability. These are the things that I didn’t understand or was never exposed to or denied somehow in my life. Of course, I’ll be the first to admit that maybe I just didn’t hear them. Maybe I didn’t want to hear them.
I get told often… you’re not disabled! You can do anything. This is the ultimate compliment. Yet the very fact that someone says it… I’m reminded constantly that I’m different… positively and negatively at times.
The reason why I talk so much about the struggle at this point is that it was working through and understanding the struggle that made it possible for me to begin to be that person who happened to have a disability and not just a disabled person “going on with life.”
Some people interpret my writing as if I feel and think that I’m disabled. They want me to know that they don’t consider me disabled. Thanks… and this is wonderful! Others write and talk about the fact they have or feel a bond with me even though they might not have a disability. They relate because they too have gone through a struggle in life. Thanks… and this is wonderful!
How do I perceive myself today… Disabled or not Disabled? I live in two worlds and will always live in two worlds in regards to this aspect of my life. I am both. I have a choice today to decide how I’m going act and/or react to this aspect of my life.
How do you write about where you came from, where you are and where you want to go at the same time?
Ultimately what makes us successful in life is learning how to live in various worlds at the same time. This is the direction I think that my blog is heading. By “various worlds” I mean we all have multiple aspects to our lives. We work, we’re children of, we’re parents of, we’re friends of and… All of us have multiple roles in life.
The issue of disability is just another role. Albeit a major role for those of us who are perceived as being… I think I’ve said this before, but the object is to be a person who happens to have a disability, yet not to be a disabled individual. I might have a disability on the outside and as I’ve said before we all have a disability… visible or not… a wound that causes us pain.
The choice is… I can be perceived as… and yet not be… I can live in two worlds. This is what has taken me so long to figure out in life. I can have a disability on the outside and yet still be who I choose to be on the inside. This is the choice!
I talk a lot about the struggle of having a disability. These are the things that I didn’t understand or was never exposed to or denied somehow in my life. Of course, I’ll be the first to admit that maybe I just didn’t hear them. Maybe I didn’t want to hear them.
I get told often… you’re not disabled! You can do anything. This is the ultimate compliment. Yet the very fact that someone says it… I’m reminded constantly that I’m different… positively and negatively at times.
The reason why I talk so much about the struggle at this point is that it was working through and understanding the struggle that made it possible for me to begin to be that person who happened to have a disability and not just a disabled person “going on with life.”
Some people interpret my writing as if I feel and think that I’m disabled. They want me to know that they don’t consider me disabled. Thanks… and this is wonderful! Others write and talk about the fact they have or feel a bond with me even though they might not have a disability. They relate because they too have gone through a struggle in life. Thanks… and this is wonderful!
How do I perceive myself today… Disabled or not Disabled? I live in two worlds and will always live in two worlds in regards to this aspect of my life. I am both. I have a choice today to decide how I’m going act and/or react to this aspect of my life.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
(35th Entry) Tying a tie…
One of the things that worried me most about going to work in the corporate world was… How am I going to tie a tie every day? Anytime that I had worn a tie previously I had always had someone tie it for me as well as button the button on the front of the caller. So when I got my first corporate job offer and it just happened to be a company that wanted me to wear a coat and tie daily, I had to come up with a way to be able to do this on a daily basis. Side note: This was the only company out of three that expected me to dress up.
Everyone kept telling me… Wear clip on ties! Well there are several problems with this. First, have you ever really looked at the selection… Not good. Second, you still have to button the collar button and jam the clip between the collar and your throat. Can’t do it!
So one day a good friend of mine named Chris and I set aside a whole day to come up with a concept that would work for me. Chris kept thinking that we could tie, slip it over my head, cut the back apart and insert Velcro. This way I could slip the tie over my head. Chris was close… but I came up with an ingenious way…
We tied the tie while on me, and then we loosened it… slipped it over my head. We then glued the knot with Elmer’s glue, so that the knot stayed tight, but allowing for the tie to slide like a noose. I would then put the tie under my collar, buttoning the buttons on the collar, button down collars, and slip the shirt over my head. The second problem was the collar button… that top button that keeps the collar tight. I didn’t button it. I used the strength of the tie to hold the collar.
Results: I could buy any normal tie. Glue it. Wear it! But never dry clean it because of the glue… so what! I could get dressed daily without worry.
This was one of my proudest days in adulthood. Something that seems so innocent, yet so important in my mind… resolved simply. I’ll never forget Chris for his willingness and enthusiasm to help me.
For employers… this is the type of creativity that disabled individuals can bring to the job… an ability to solve problems “outside the box”. Unfortunately what I found in my brief career, while corporations talk of wanting new ideas, they rarely embraced them. Not only did they not embrace them, once they hired you they wanted you to be like everyone else. My first corporate job probably gave me the most latitude in allowing me to use my natural abilities. As I went to work for larger and larger companies the ability to be “me” became less and less. I might be a little cynical and a bit jaded, but I expect that Corporate America utilizes only a fraction of their employee’s abilities, energy and assets.
Everyone kept telling me… Wear clip on ties! Well there are several problems with this. First, have you ever really looked at the selection… Not good. Second, you still have to button the collar button and jam the clip between the collar and your throat. Can’t do it!
So one day a good friend of mine named Chris and I set aside a whole day to come up with a concept that would work for me. Chris kept thinking that we could tie, slip it over my head, cut the back apart and insert Velcro. This way I could slip the tie over my head. Chris was close… but I came up with an ingenious way…
We tied the tie while on me, and then we loosened it… slipped it over my head. We then glued the knot with Elmer’s glue, so that the knot stayed tight, but allowing for the tie to slide like a noose. I would then put the tie under my collar, buttoning the buttons on the collar, button down collars, and slip the shirt over my head. The second problem was the collar button… that top button that keeps the collar tight. I didn’t button it. I used the strength of the tie to hold the collar.
Results: I could buy any normal tie. Glue it. Wear it! But never dry clean it because of the glue… so what! I could get dressed daily without worry.
This was one of my proudest days in adulthood. Something that seems so innocent, yet so important in my mind… resolved simply. I’ll never forget Chris for his willingness and enthusiasm to help me.
For employers… this is the type of creativity that disabled individuals can bring to the job… an ability to solve problems “outside the box”. Unfortunately what I found in my brief career, while corporations talk of wanting new ideas, they rarely embraced them. Not only did they not embrace them, once they hired you they wanted you to be like everyone else. My first corporate job probably gave me the most latitude in allowing me to use my natural abilities. As I went to work for larger and larger companies the ability to be “me” became less and less. I might be a little cynical and a bit jaded, but I expect that Corporate America utilizes only a fraction of their employee’s abilities, energy and assets.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
(34th Entry) The Valentine’s that never were…
If anyone remembers this song, please let me know what it is and who sang it… “The Valentine’s That Never Were” and I don’t even know if this was the title or just a line in the song.
One night as a child in a restaurant in Dallas, we went to an Italian restaurant to hear a friend sing. She was actually the daughter of my parent’s friends. Her name was Leslie and she was blind. Leslie sang and played the piano. She sang the song that I mentioned above. I just remember hearing a remark or remarks like… “It just has so much more meaning when she sings it.”
I don’t know why I’m writing this except that I’ve always held this in my memory and well, what is today?
The things we remember from childhood, the things that influence us, affect us… while this can have so many different meanings, positive, negative or even a statement of a person’s emotion whose just being honest at the moment… When we hear things we interpret them where we are in that moment of our own lives. As I’ve said a few times before in this blog… So many of us just want to “go on with life”
I think there’s only two options in life… to go on with life blindly just letting things happen and have the events in our lives dictate that direction or… look at our lives, ask questions, face the bigger questions and help determine the direction that we take in life. If I have to say which option I feel strongly about, then I’ve done a poor job in this blog.
I’ve always remembered this event in my life and because of that I have been able to change my perception and alter the meaning of that event in my life. Today I chose to look at it differently than I did 35+ years ago. Back then I chose to look at it as if there was something wrong with Leslie and thus me as well and because of that people feel sorry for us and we were less than. Today, much like I stated in Entry 32, I look back at Leslie and realize that she could make this song more meaningful in a positive way. Back then I looked at everything in terms of its negative effects. Leslie went out and lived her life regardless of her blindness.
Our attitude determines much of the way that we view the events in our lives. I’m not one of those people who think you can just think positive thoughts and everything is going to be ok. I think you can be positive, but still deal with the issues. I think ultimately you must deal with the issues in order to have a really positive outlook. I’m trying not to use the word “pain”, because it has such a powerful connotation. Kahlil Gibran in his book THE PROPHET says, “Pain is the cracking of the shell that encloses our understanding.” This is the pain that I’m describing. It’s the pain of having to ask questions and understand who we are, what we have done and what has been done to us. It goes back to… Do things happen for a reason? Or, do we give meaning to the things that happen to us? (Entry 5)
I look back now and realize… All we know is our own reality (Entry 3). I can’t imagine being blind! If I heard Leslie sing that song today I would have a completely different reaction. I am not that same little boy, with those same thoughts and feelings. Even as I think back, I realize that for me Leslie gives this song more meaning today, because of my own life experiences and the bond that we share.
One night as a child in a restaurant in Dallas, we went to an Italian restaurant to hear a friend sing. She was actually the daughter of my parent’s friends. Her name was Leslie and she was blind. Leslie sang and played the piano. She sang the song that I mentioned above. I just remember hearing a remark or remarks like… “It just has so much more meaning when she sings it.”
I don’t know why I’m writing this except that I’ve always held this in my memory and well, what is today?
The things we remember from childhood, the things that influence us, affect us… while this can have so many different meanings, positive, negative or even a statement of a person’s emotion whose just being honest at the moment… When we hear things we interpret them where we are in that moment of our own lives. As I’ve said a few times before in this blog… So many of us just want to “go on with life”
I think there’s only two options in life… to go on with life blindly just letting things happen and have the events in our lives dictate that direction or… look at our lives, ask questions, face the bigger questions and help determine the direction that we take in life. If I have to say which option I feel strongly about, then I’ve done a poor job in this blog.
I’ve always remembered this event in my life and because of that I have been able to change my perception and alter the meaning of that event in my life. Today I chose to look at it differently than I did 35+ years ago. Back then I chose to look at it as if there was something wrong with Leslie and thus me as well and because of that people feel sorry for us and we were less than. Today, much like I stated in Entry 32, I look back at Leslie and realize that she could make this song more meaningful in a positive way. Back then I looked at everything in terms of its negative effects. Leslie went out and lived her life regardless of her blindness.
Our attitude determines much of the way that we view the events in our lives. I’m not one of those people who think you can just think positive thoughts and everything is going to be ok. I think you can be positive, but still deal with the issues. I think ultimately you must deal with the issues in order to have a really positive outlook. I’m trying not to use the word “pain”, because it has such a powerful connotation. Kahlil Gibran in his book THE PROPHET says, “Pain is the cracking of the shell that encloses our understanding.” This is the pain that I’m describing. It’s the pain of having to ask questions and understand who we are, what we have done and what has been done to us. It goes back to… Do things happen for a reason? Or, do we give meaning to the things that happen to us? (Entry 5)
I look back now and realize… All we know is our own reality (Entry 3). I can’t imagine being blind! If I heard Leslie sing that song today I would have a completely different reaction. I am not that same little boy, with those same thoughts and feelings. Even as I think back, I realize that for me Leslie gives this song more meaning today, because of my own life experiences and the bond that we share.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
(33rd Entry) I wonder…
In Entry 31 I mentioned that I was reading a book called BLINK by Malcolm Gladwell. It’s been an enlightening read. The subtitle is The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. It’s a book about how we make decisions. I also just mentioned in a brief entry prior to this that ABC News says that 44% of disabled individuals in the U.S. are unemployed.
While reading BLINK, I read about how prior to 50 years ago or so auditions for symphonies were held where the judges, maestros could see the person auditioning. Women made up less than 5% of members of symphonies. It was thought that women just couldn’t play as well as men for many reasons. When auditions began being done where the person auditioning was behind screens many more women were chosen… now approximately 50%. The person’s bias or pre-conceived notions were eliminated and only the sound of the music counted.
I wonder if job interviews were conducted in much the same manner if the number of disabled individuals hired would improve?
While reading BLINK, I read about how prior to 50 years ago or so auditions for symphonies were held where the judges, maestros could see the person auditioning. Women made up less than 5% of members of symphonies. It was thought that women just couldn’t play as well as men for many reasons. When auditions began being done where the person auditioning was behind screens many more women were chosen… now approximately 50%. The person’s bias or pre-conceived notions were eliminated and only the sound of the music counted.
I wonder if job interviews were conducted in much the same manner if the number of disabled individuals hired would improve?
Watch This
http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=4275513
An ABC NEWS story on Walgreens hiring of disabled individuals. An interesting story...
Cut and Paste the link above into your browser to watch.
ABC News cites that 44% of Americans with disabilities are unemployed!
An ABC NEWS story on Walgreens hiring of disabled individuals. An interesting story...
Cut and Paste the link above into your browser to watch.
ABC News cites that 44% of Americans with disabilities are unemployed!
Monday, February 11, 2008
(32nd Entry) Writing, answering
I used to worry that I might run out of things to write about. The great thing about doing the blog so far has been finding out that there’s so much to be written about. Even when I write about a subject it always possible to go deeper, exploring new angles, going more into depth, looking at it from new angles. What a relief!
My good friend David has written a couple of emails to me since my beginning the blog. He always asks good questions. In his first email he asked, “Your introspective subway story is really interesting. How would your reaction today be different from your reaction then?” (Entry 7 and 8) In his second email he comments that he’s surprised that I haven’t written about the ADA and the effects or lack of effect it has had for disabled individuals.
The nice thing about comments and emails are that I have or want to respond to them. The problem is that they sometimes ask questions that I don’t have answers to.
Having just returned from New York, I keep asking myself how the subway incident might be different today. I must admit I don’t necessarily have an answer. I’m struggling as I write to express what those differences might be.
Back then it seems to me that what I felt was a realization that I had something in common with the disabled individuals panhandling on the subway. I had always considered myself above or different than “those people”. I think that’s why I felt that people would judge me if I gave them money or not. When I say that it was all about me, it means that it could only be about me because everyone else was different or I was different.
Maybe this might make sense and help explain what I was going through. When I was in High School in Man and His Environment which I’ve written about, we went on a field trip one day. We visited an elementary school for all types of disabled kids. I was in the hallway when this young kid with severe learning disabilities spotted me. He came running down the hall wanting to see me. Many of my peers were around. I panicked. I didn’t want the other kids, my peers, to think that I was disabled or that there was something wrong with me, so I avoided the child. I ran off and hid somewhere. I’ve always felt bad about this. Even at that time.
A little more… While in New York I was riding the subway one morning with my backpack on and an extra tote bag. Usually someone offers me a seat. On this day no one offered me a seat. I think the question is… Do I expect it? It didn’t really bother me, except that I’m spoiled in New York. I get treated incredibly well. When things happen repeatedly we begin to expect it. I didn’t need a seat. I’m perfectly capable of standing with a backpack and tote bag.
So what’s the difference today as opposed to twenty years ago? One major difference is that today I know that I can survive in this world, take care of myself no matter what happens. Back then I was lost, confused; I didn’t have a job nor had I had one. I didn’t know if I would ever have one. Once you know that you can survive in this world, do the things that you need to do… it just doesn’t mater as much what others think. It’s called confidence, not to be confused with arrogance. It’s confidence without questions or perhaps even without guilt. It is knowing that you’re doing the most that you can do.
When you have a little hope, a little confidence you don’t have to be afraid of those like you. Maybe that’s the difference today. Maybe when you have a little hope and a little confidence it is OK when someone offers you a seat or even if they don’t. Maybe it’s ok to give that disabled individual in the subway money just because they touch you without caring what others think. Maybe it’s ok to be around others like yourself, because they’re the same and yet different than ourselves. What I’ve learned in my life is that the greatest prejudices are those things within myself that I don’t understand, that I deny or that I hate about myself.
My good friend David has written a couple of emails to me since my beginning the blog. He always asks good questions. In his first email he asked, “Your introspective subway story is really interesting. How would your reaction today be different from your reaction then?” (Entry 7 and 8) In his second email he comments that he’s surprised that I haven’t written about the ADA and the effects or lack of effect it has had for disabled individuals.
The nice thing about comments and emails are that I have or want to respond to them. The problem is that they sometimes ask questions that I don’t have answers to.
Having just returned from New York, I keep asking myself how the subway incident might be different today. I must admit I don’t necessarily have an answer. I’m struggling as I write to express what those differences might be.
Back then it seems to me that what I felt was a realization that I had something in common with the disabled individuals panhandling on the subway. I had always considered myself above or different than “those people”. I think that’s why I felt that people would judge me if I gave them money or not. When I say that it was all about me, it means that it could only be about me because everyone else was different or I was different.
Maybe this might make sense and help explain what I was going through. When I was in High School in Man and His Environment which I’ve written about, we went on a field trip one day. We visited an elementary school for all types of disabled kids. I was in the hallway when this young kid with severe learning disabilities spotted me. He came running down the hall wanting to see me. Many of my peers were around. I panicked. I didn’t want the other kids, my peers, to think that I was disabled or that there was something wrong with me, so I avoided the child. I ran off and hid somewhere. I’ve always felt bad about this. Even at that time.
A little more… While in New York I was riding the subway one morning with my backpack on and an extra tote bag. Usually someone offers me a seat. On this day no one offered me a seat. I think the question is… Do I expect it? It didn’t really bother me, except that I’m spoiled in New York. I get treated incredibly well. When things happen repeatedly we begin to expect it. I didn’t need a seat. I’m perfectly capable of standing with a backpack and tote bag.
So what’s the difference today as opposed to twenty years ago? One major difference is that today I know that I can survive in this world, take care of myself no matter what happens. Back then I was lost, confused; I didn’t have a job nor had I had one. I didn’t know if I would ever have one. Once you know that you can survive in this world, do the things that you need to do… it just doesn’t mater as much what others think. It’s called confidence, not to be confused with arrogance. It’s confidence without questions or perhaps even without guilt. It is knowing that you’re doing the most that you can do.
When you have a little hope, a little confidence you don’t have to be afraid of those like you. Maybe that’s the difference today. Maybe when you have a little hope and a little confidence it is OK when someone offers you a seat or even if they don’t. Maybe it’s ok to give that disabled individual in the subway money just because they touch you without caring what others think. Maybe it’s ok to be around others like yourself, because they’re the same and yet different than ourselves. What I’ve learned in my life is that the greatest prejudices are those things within myself that I don’t understand, that I deny or that I hate about myself.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
(31st Entry) New Beginings; Moving On!!!
I’m flying home from New York… bitter sweet! While I’m glad to be going home and see my dog; I’m sad to be leaving New York. I used to think that I wanted to live there. However, after this trip I realize that it’s a great place to visit, but the physical demands of living there are just to much. I leave feeling like I’ve just left my best friend… that feeling of loneliness and emptiness that comes when all of a sudden we’re alone. I also leave full of energy, inspiration and creative thoughts.
In 1988 when I first visited New York it was the beginning of a renaissance of sorts for me. Twenty years later I have that same feeling. My life tends to be built on stages. Perhaps its time to move on to the next.
What is the next stage of my life? Maybe the best way to describe what this might be is to look at the past. My life seems to break up into 15 year increments with some slight deviations. The first 15 years of my life were spent growing up like most other kids. Learning how to do things, making friends, being like other kids. The second 15 year period was spent being lost. Just going through the motions, but still accomplishing some notable tasks. Accomplishing things because they were expected, not because I had a reason, a goal or a desire. I went to college, started a non-profit organization; but I lacked direction, conviction and most of all passion. The third 15 year period I went back to school, worked in the corporate world, got out of the corporate world, kind of got lost again for a few years and now am ready to begin the fourth 15 year period.
Although the blog is not that old I’ve written some about each segment of my life. When I left the corporate world five years ago, I was distraught and depressed. It didn’t have to be this way; but sometimes things turn out differently than we expect and sometimes fate plays its hand. So many things played a role in my corporate life which hopefully can be related in my book about my experience in corporate America. Suffice it to say, I just didn’t fit the mold. I had my moments of success and several bosses would probably hire me back in an instance… But it wasn’t me. It wasn’t my gift. It might have been or could have been if circumstances had been different.
I’m reading a book called BLINK by Malcolm Gladwell as I’m on the plane going back home. He mentions several things so far that I’ve known, but is good to see in print. One of them is that the majority of CEO’s in this country are tall. In other words, physical attributes do help some get ahead. Where does that leave anyone with a disability?
He also talks about Implicit Association Tests (IAT’s) which he uses to show the difference between what we think we feel about a group of people and what we might actually associate with people‘s, race, gender, etc. Many years ago I wrote something called… Knowing, Believing and Doing! How often in life are we consistent in these three areas? More often than not I think we’re inconsistent. This is what the IAT points out. I would like to see if there are any dealing with the attitudes of disabilities. He mentions a website to go to, so I think I’ll investigate… www.implicit.harvard.edu I just went to this site and the first test on the list has to do with disability. WOW!!!
So what is the next segment of my life? I think it’s a reconciliation of the three segments so far. Take from my childhood that innocence and feeling of not being that different (1st Segment), the lessoned learned from being lost and the struggle of the issue of being the same and different (2nd Segment) and the quasi-industrialness found by going out into the commercial world (3rd Segment) and to somehow bring these together to accomplish my goals.
To sum it up in a few words… It’s time to accomplish the mission statement listed on the right hand side of the blog!
This sounds so simple… Reality: It takes discipline, stamina and dedication. Three things that don’t come naturally to me or at least come naturally simultaneously.
It’s easy for me in life to sit back, dream and wait for things to happen. This method won’t get the Mission Statement accomplished.
This is my dream… Only I can make it happen! And like the change from each of the segments before in my life I do it only when my back is against the wall, when I’ve bet all the chips on the table and there’s no turning back.
In 1988 when I first visited New York it was the beginning of a renaissance of sorts for me. Twenty years later I have that same feeling. My life tends to be built on stages. Perhaps its time to move on to the next.
What is the next stage of my life? Maybe the best way to describe what this might be is to look at the past. My life seems to break up into 15 year increments with some slight deviations. The first 15 years of my life were spent growing up like most other kids. Learning how to do things, making friends, being like other kids. The second 15 year period was spent being lost. Just going through the motions, but still accomplishing some notable tasks. Accomplishing things because they were expected, not because I had a reason, a goal or a desire. I went to college, started a non-profit organization; but I lacked direction, conviction and most of all passion. The third 15 year period I went back to school, worked in the corporate world, got out of the corporate world, kind of got lost again for a few years and now am ready to begin the fourth 15 year period.
Although the blog is not that old I’ve written some about each segment of my life. When I left the corporate world five years ago, I was distraught and depressed. It didn’t have to be this way; but sometimes things turn out differently than we expect and sometimes fate plays its hand. So many things played a role in my corporate life which hopefully can be related in my book about my experience in corporate America. Suffice it to say, I just didn’t fit the mold. I had my moments of success and several bosses would probably hire me back in an instance… But it wasn’t me. It wasn’t my gift. It might have been or could have been if circumstances had been different.
I’m reading a book called BLINK by Malcolm Gladwell as I’m on the plane going back home. He mentions several things so far that I’ve known, but is good to see in print. One of them is that the majority of CEO’s in this country are tall. In other words, physical attributes do help some get ahead. Where does that leave anyone with a disability?
He also talks about Implicit Association Tests (IAT’s) which he uses to show the difference between what we think we feel about a group of people and what we might actually associate with people‘s, race, gender, etc. Many years ago I wrote something called… Knowing, Believing and Doing! How often in life are we consistent in these three areas? More often than not I think we’re inconsistent. This is what the IAT points out. I would like to see if there are any dealing with the attitudes of disabilities. He mentions a website to go to, so I think I’ll investigate… www.implicit.harvard.edu I just went to this site and the first test on the list has to do with disability. WOW!!!
So what is the next segment of my life? I think it’s a reconciliation of the three segments so far. Take from my childhood that innocence and feeling of not being that different (1st Segment), the lessoned learned from being lost and the struggle of the issue of being the same and different (2nd Segment) and the quasi-industrialness found by going out into the commercial world (3rd Segment) and to somehow bring these together to accomplish my goals.
To sum it up in a few words… It’s time to accomplish the mission statement listed on the right hand side of the blog!
This sounds so simple… Reality: It takes discipline, stamina and dedication. Three things that don’t come naturally to me or at least come naturally simultaneously.
It’s easy for me in life to sit back, dream and wait for things to happen. This method won’t get the Mission Statement accomplished.
This is my dream… Only I can make it happen! And like the change from each of the segments before in my life I do it only when my back is against the wall, when I’ve bet all the chips on the table and there’s no turning back.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Going out and buying a new computer
Today or tomorrow I'll be buying a new computer. My old one died! It was five years old, so it's time to get another one.
Sorry for not having new entries! Hopefully that will change soon...
Sorry for not having new entries! Hopefully that will change soon...
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