(31st Entry) New Beginings; Moving On!!!

I’m flying home from New York… bitter sweet! While I’m glad to be going home and see my dog; I’m sad to be leaving New York. I used to think that I wanted to live there. However, after this trip I realize that it’s a great place to visit, but the physical demands of living there are just to much. I leave feeling like I’ve just left my best friend… that feeling of loneliness and emptiness that comes when all of a sudden we’re alone. I also leave full of energy, inspiration and creative thoughts.

In 1988 when I first visited New York it was the beginning of a renaissance of sorts for me. Twenty years later I have that same feeling. My life tends to be built on stages. Perhaps its time to move on to the next.

What is the next stage of my life? Maybe the best way to describe what this might be is to look at the past. My life seems to break up into 15 year increments with some slight deviations. The first 15 years of my life were spent growing up like most other kids. Learning how to do things, making friends, being like other kids. The second 15 year period was spent being lost. Just going through the motions, but still accomplishing some notable tasks. Accomplishing things because they were expected, not because I had a reason, a goal or a desire. I went to college, started a non-profit organization; but I lacked direction, conviction and most of all passion. The third 15 year period I went back to school, worked in the corporate world, got out of the corporate world, kind of got lost again for a few years and now am ready to begin the fourth 15 year period.

Although the blog is not that old I’ve written some about each segment of my life. When I left the corporate world five years ago, I was distraught and depressed. It didn’t have to be this way; but sometimes things turn out differently than we expect and sometimes fate plays its hand. So many things played a role in my corporate life which hopefully can be related in my book about my experience in corporate America. Suffice it to say, I just didn’t fit the mold. I had my moments of success and several bosses would probably hire me back in an instance… But it wasn’t me. It wasn’t my gift. It might have been or could have been if circumstances had been different.

I’m reading a book called BLINK by Malcolm Gladwell as I’m on the plane going back home. He mentions several things so far that I’ve known, but is good to see in print. One of them is that the majority of CEO’s in this country are tall. In other words, physical attributes do help some get ahead. Where does that leave anyone with a disability?

He also talks about Implicit Association Tests (IAT’s) which he uses to show the difference between what we think we feel about a group of people and what we might actually associate with people‘s, race, gender, etc. Many years ago I wrote something called… Knowing, Believing and Doing! How often in life are we consistent in these three areas? More often than not I think we’re inconsistent. This is what the IAT points out. I would like to see if there are any dealing with the attitudes of disabilities. He mentions a website to go to, so I think I’ll investigate… www.implicit.harvard.edu I just went to this site and the first test on the list has to do with disability. WOW!!!

So what is the next segment of my life? I think it’s a reconciliation of the three segments so far. Take from my childhood that innocence and feeling of not being that different (1st Segment), the lessoned learned from being lost and the struggle of the issue of being the same and different (2nd Segment) and the quasi-industrialness found by going out into the commercial world (3rd Segment) and to somehow bring these together to accomplish my goals.

To sum it up in a few words… It’s time to accomplish the mission statement listed on the right hand side of the blog!

This sounds so simple… Reality: It takes discipline, stamina and dedication. Three things that don’t come naturally to me or at least come naturally simultaneously.

It’s easy for me in life to sit back, dream and wait for things to happen. This method won’t get the Mission Statement accomplished.

This is my dream… Only I can make it happen! And like the change from each of the segments before in my life I do it only when my back is against the wall, when I’ve bet all the chips on the table and there’s no turning back.