(20th Entry) Where to, What next?

This is actually line from a Carl Sandburg poem. My brother used this portion of the poem in a project as a child and I’ve always remembered it.

“In the darkness with a great bundle of grief, the people march.
In the night and overhead a shovel of stars for keeps.
The people march.

Where to, What next?”

Carl Sandburg

It’s a great few lines and says in such a short way many of the themes that I’ve been trying to convey. Essentially these few lines as I interpret them are saying… Not knowing who we are at times… not knowing where we’re going with our grief … we keep on going. We might be full of despair (night), but somewhere deep within us there’s always hope (the stars) so we keep on going… asking why, searching for answers and direction… wanting a way out… we persevere.

The human spirit is amazing.

I’ve used the phrase, “just going on with life” many times in the blog so far and implying it’s negative. Sometimes, however, it’s the only way that we keep going though. At some point, though, we can hopefully move past this way of life. Living life in this way takes its toll on us over time and those around us.

Hope and dreams are what keeps us going. Since beginning this blog I’ve met more and more people who have an interest in the issue of disability or are disabled themselves. I’ve seen the human spirit persevere through all types of adversities.

What gives me hope and keeps my dreams alive… People! Recently I watched someone who’s had some tremendous medical issues this past year keep on going. She inspired me by the way that she is “out there” going on with her life. Her speech has been impaired and is difficult to understand. Suffice it say she’s experienced in recent months many of the same reactions that I’ve experienced much of my life.

She inspired me because she was going on with life, yet she also was able to relate her struggle in an honest and vulnerable way. She inspired me because I could see parts of myself and relate to her as others might relate to me. That quote that I’ve used before… “When we forget who we are, we forget how to act.”

My speech actually got better after an operation that I had when I was 21 years old. This was not the reason for it, but a good and unexpected outcome. When I was in college I had to write a paper on my idiolect in an upper level English class. I remember writing, when I listen to myself in a tape recorder; I can’t understand myself either. Today, thankfully I’m much easier to understand, although people still…

Remember the subway story… When you live with a disability, it’s with you constantly. You don’t just get to a point… whatever that point is… doing things, accepting it, etc. and never have to look at it again.

By being around people who are struggling with the same issues, we’re reminded of who we are. It gives us compassion for ourselves, for the other person and for what others who interact with us might be experiencing.