(74th Entry) Asking for help…

Why is asking for help so difficult for most of us? The other day after a talk that I had given, a man revealed to me that he was ninety years of age and was just recently forced into having to ask for help for things that he was no longer able to do. He said that it was difficult for him. My Dad is having to ask for and receive help with things that he has always been able to do as well. It’s difficult to watch.

I always say that the issue of disability applies to all, because at some point we’re all going to be to the point of having to ask for help. The definition of disability that I began this blog with is… anything that keeps us from doing or trying or feeling good about ourselves is a disability. In essence, anything that we have to ask for help can be considered our disability in our society.

In my talk I mentioned that part of dealing with a disability was the ability to ask and receive help yet be able to separate this help from our “self”. The ability to separate who we are from what we need is so vital in dealing with a disability.

At one point in my life I lived around many disabled individuals… all types, all levels. Many needed considerable physical care. There were those that handled it with grace and dignity and others who… What I also found interesting were the individuals who were the caregivers. For so long after this experience I was very cynical towards caregivers. (More about caregivers in my next entry) There’s a saying… Like kind attract. Those that handled their physical care with grace and dignity tended to attract caregivers with grace and dignity… Those that didn’t…

Asking for help… Difficult for most of us… We value our independence. Separating our “self”, our value as a person from our physical “self” in a world so materialistic and vain is difficult for most.

Christopher Reeves was a beautiful example… One minute normal, the next a quadriplegic... I recall an interview where he said that he wanted to die when he first realized what had happened and that it was his family that gave him the will to live. It was his family that gave him the realization that he had value whether he could move or not.

In an earlier blog entry I talked about at one point in my life when people held doors open for me I would walk to another door and open it myself. “I’ll show you!” Who was/am I/we really showing? Who are we trying to prove something too?

As always… more to come….