Why does it matter how people react to us? Why does it matter when people pretend that I’m (you’re) not there? I’m taught that that I’m OK as I am… who I am. I’m told to “go out” and be like everyone else. I'm supposed to do as much as I can. And then… to only be treated as if I don’t exist. Or that others don’t want to acknowledge my presence. How am I supposed to react? What am I suppose to feel? We can pretend that this doesn’t happen and just go on with life. Maybe for some that philosophy works. I doubt it though. Somewhere within us all there’s a part that really doesn’t like it. There’s a part that asks why? Is there something wrong with me… or? What’s wrong with “those” people?
Everything I write about comes from my own experiences combined with the experiences of watching and listening to those around me. When you have a physical disability and especially a speech impediment you’re going to get discounted by some people. That’s a fact… How I, we respond is up to us.
The interesting thing about writing these blogs, a single blog entry, is that I’m usually addressing a single side of an issue. People ask me or say to me… that doesn’t seem like you… is that how you feel? That’s really the point… I’m, we’re all sides of these vignettes. When I pretend that these events don’t happen in life or I’m totally unaware of them happening is when I’m going to… What is the “to”?
One of the problems as I see it is that we see these remarkable stories of individuals and all that they have over-come, but we don’t understand what it “took”, the inside story, the process that people go through to “get through”! I’m beginning to understand why. It’s difficult to convey in a uni-dimensional medium. It’s like one of those convoluted movies trying to show an event from all perspectives, winding up at a single moment in time.
I remember being in college beginning to make friends in a whole new environment. One day while visiting a mall, a friend made a comment to the effect… when I’m with you it’s as if everyone is staring at us. How do you… ? I think I had been on auto-pilot for so long I had not even noticed or truly remembered what she was talking about. And then one of those store events happened while we were out one day as well. Another example… my friends in college quickly learned to have me go to the bar to buy the drinks at clubs, because the bartenders always made my drinks better (stronger)! In those days, my friends and I considered this a good thing. Having people react is not always a bad thing, a negative thing. That’s probably one of the points. Although when you’re obsessed or unaware (actually one I the same) or angry at the negative the positive can easily get overlooked.
It’s easy to label things as positive and negative. We view events in our lives as good or bad. Things just happen and we go on as if… The problem is that we end up “down the road” not knowing how we got there or why? That’s why it matters…
People still stare at me 25 years later. I go through phases of noticing and then not noticing. The difference today is that it doesn’t bother me as much today… or at least in the same way that it did back then. Stay tuned for more vignettes to find out why…
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